


Self Destruction of the Admiral

by Disaster_writesVLD (Disaster_Writes)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Admiral Shiro, Angst, Artificial Intelligence, Drinking, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post Series, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Self-blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 06:22:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16470392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disaster_Writes/pseuds/Disaster_writesVLD
Summary: Takashi blames himself for everything that has happened to Adam. He knows he is falling apart but he refuses to get help. The Admiral is falling apart and he is letting it happen.





	Self Destruction of the Admiral

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'ed 10/30/18

“Takashi, Do you remember the fight before Kerberos?” The AI asked as it cocked it’s head, It was- the closest thing to Shiro had to Adam now. The AI had Adam’s memories and personality but- oh God. Shiro missed Adam. The Admiral was sitting next to the hologram, a bottle of Whiskey in his hand. He was wearing simple sleep pants, a white tank top, and nothing else. 

 

“Yeah.” Shiro breathed out as he took a long swig from the bottle in his hand. “I do. That was the day that we called it off, just what, three days before take off?” Takashi ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the slightly greasy strands. “I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, and look where it got me? I was killed, brought back but still. I died and I couldn’t do a damn thing.” Rolling his lips, Shiro brought his gaze to look at Adam’s face. 

 

“You were right though, you had to do it. Your disease didn’t define you Takashi, you didn’t let that happen. You survived everything that was thrown at you; even when you were with Voltron. You deserve the Atlas, the Garrison will always be in your debt.” The other reasoned as it reached up, holding Takashi’s chin. “You’re the Admiral, not because they forced you there; But because you deserved it. You’ve done so much for us. Not many could stand in the face of the Galra and say ‘not today.’. I just wish I was there when you arrived. I- I failed you.” The AI looked away and down, not at all use to confessing that he messed up. 

 

Failed him? No. That was Sanda, not Adam. Sanda was the one who gave the order, She was the one that ignored Sam’s warnings. She was the very reason that Adam was dead. Takashi took a shaking breath as he closed his eyes, leaning against the AI with a deep set frown. “You didn’t fail me Adam, It was Sanda and the Garrison that did. They betrayed you, Sent you into a fuckin-” His throat tightened as he gave the faintest of whines. His lower lip trembled as he tried holding back the tears threatening to spill. “They sent you! They let your team fucking die! For what?!” His voice cracked as he buried his face in his hands. Feeling the familiar feeling of hot tears falling down his face.  “For fucking Vanity?!” Takashi could hear his voice cracking underneath the pent up emotions.

 

“She didn’t listen, She never fucking listened to them. They warned her, Sam warned her. She sold us out to protect herself. If she wasn-” Releasing a shuddering breath, Shiro dug his fingers deeper into his skull, the pain was welcomed. “If she wasn’t already dead, I’d kill her myself.” He admitted with a soft sigh. “She would be tried for multiple things, I hated… when we arrived all they had was your fucking grave site. I just-I just want you back Adam. I feel like I’m losing control, like something in me is gone.” Shiro wasn’t the best at explaining himself but now? It was all coming out. All of the pain and loneliness, Shiro was keeping himself away from the others intentionally. He couldn’t bring himself to interact with them after being promoted and they- they deserved someone more sane at the moment. 

 

Shiro lifted the bottle and took another drink; the amber liquid burning down his throat. The man gave a low rumble, feeling Adam turn and press against Shiro. The other reached up and raised his hand to the ceiling. “You always did have a hair trigger temper. You kept it under tight wraps though.” Adam pointed out, frowning a little more. “You know that I never liked that you drank, Takashi. Even now; you should have found an alternate form of coping.” 

 

A bitter laugh left Takashi’s lips, giving Adam another shake of his head. “Yeah well, that all went out the window. I need it though Adam. Iverson nor Sam know that I’m drinking again. I just- I just want to forget that you’re gone is all.” Shiro admitted, taking another swig of his drink. “I just want to pretend that you’re okay and just- missing.” He sighed softly and shook his head. “I mean I have Lance but- He isn’t the same as you. He’s come into his own, I’ve guided him sure. Yet, I feel hollow.” Shiro waved a hand and closed his eyes. “I’ll be okay though. I gotta be for the others.” 

 

“Rest Takashi. I know you’re tired. I can see it, how you carry yourself. How you try to act okay. I know you’re not. You will become your own worst enemy Shiro if you continue like this.” Adam reasoned as he turned to Shiro, wrapping his arms around the other man. The AI flickered but didn’t go away, He couldn’t leave shiro like this. Adam watched Shiro’s eyes droop close, his grip on the bottle loosened. The man tried fighting his exhaustion but it was a losing battle. Adam grabbed the bottle and put it on the ground; he saw how Shiro was self destructing. If he continued on, the Garrison would remove him. Adam just hoped that Shiro got it together before that happened. 


End file.
